I’ve been searching to find a happy medium/balance in my life for a very long time.  I think that’s everyone’s goal. Balance=peace and happiness.  I am starting to realize that such a thing may not actually exist for me.  I say this because, I’ve never actually experienced it.  Maybe others can find a balance, but in my life it’s not real.  My life has been made up of extremes. In every possible way imaginable.  Everything has seemed to be pretty black and white, all or nothing, but I’ve always believed you can find a way to change that.  So happy or so hopeless, so busy or so purposeless, etc.  I’ve never actually experienced feeling content. Maybe for a brief moment, but never longer than that.  I don’t know.  I guess I’ve been so hung up on the idea of finding that, but maybe I need to just learn how to adapt better to the extremes. That’s always been the hardest for me.

But I better be quiet now
I’m tired of wasting my breath
Carrying on, not over it yet

Wish I knew what you were doing
Why you want to do it this way
So I can’t go the distance
I got a long way to go
I’m getting further away
I got a long way to go
Getting further away

Monica Lynn Dunlap

Jenna i clicked on yr page to say hi because i haven’t talked to you in a while… i was glad to see you’re dating someone… not because being single isn’t okay (i’m the biggest fan of it) but i always worried about you because of how messed up greg was to you. i often hoped that you would find somebody that you would be able to trust. i had a pretty messed up view on what relationships were supposed to be for such a long time. i finally understand that there are such good people out there and sometimes you just have to try not to punish others for what somebody else did… not that you were doing that but i def did. i may be wrong to have worried but i always felt like you haven’t always gotten what you deserved. you were always such a nice, caring girl who put others before herself and i always felt so bad that you were put through such bs. anyways… i’m really glad to see you’ve found someone… he is a lucky dude!

I hadn’t heard from Monica in a couple of years, so receiving something from her was really surprising.  She had been my good lady friend throughout the Greg years, and she knew about what went down more than most.  She really helped me a lot through it. This was the first I’ve spoken to her since then.  This message meant SO much to me. I found it to be incredibly thoughtful.